Difficult to Handle

For reasons even I don't know, I have encountered very few 'real' goodbyes in my life. The only goodbyes I've come to know are those that 'end quickly.' Yung tipo bang bukas lang matatapos na agad.

If my memory serves me right, I have not yet said any real goodbye in my entire 18 years, 10 months, and 6days (as this was typed-in) of living.

Maybe because I hate goodbyes. Movies, I guess. And observations, too, I guess.

Everytime someone (or something, maybe) is about to leave, I'm always the one who doesn't feel the need to say goodbye. I always make excuses like "Babalik ka pa naman e," "Nandyan ka lang naman e," "Para namang ang hirap pumunta sa inyo."

I just hate to say it. I just don't want to. I don't want to be sad. I don't want to see someone go, knowing they'll be gone for almost eternity or until oblivion owns my memories of them.

I just hate to shed a tear to for something I think is lame. I don't want to look at myself to see that I was left behind. I was never used to that.

I always look forward to the future, to the hope that tomorrow holds. If I end up knowing that tomorrow doesn't hold a light, I don't care. I still won't see me bowing as if I was left behind. If the situation calls for it, I will be the light of hope. If that would be too much to handle, I want to be one of the people who brought back the hope of tomorrow. But never the one whose heart was left by hope.

I just hate being left behind. I hate being sad. I hate being hurt. I don't know why. Maybe I'm just too tired. Maybe I'm just too afraid. Maybe I just don't want to be weak, anymore.

I guess with this much pride, handling more 'real goodbyes' in the future won't be any easier.

Magkano na kaya ang isang Gundam model ngayon? Hmmm. . . =p